Giving and Forgiving

So, I decided that my last blog blamed my lack of motivation to work on my research for my online presentation on my breakup and that was not the right attitude to have. I did an hours worth of work yesterday and today and it feels so good to have time for it again. I really hope that they give me a little more time to do it but no one has contacted me yet. They were supposed after last conference we had online this month some time. Maybe it’s taking them a long time to get the cues and crcs sorted out because more people showed up than last year. I hope they don’t forget about me I did reach out to them once to find out how long the content was going to be available.
My work is not going to be perfect (I am nor used to power point on my Mac) but maybe I will get lucky and the folks that said I could do it will offer to look it over before I submit it. I have met two people who are very interested in it so I can show it to them but I need some good objective feedback. I have decided just to disclose my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Social anxiety, driving anxiety, and Asperger’s. I am too scared to share the bipolar and psychosis. Some people know about my blog from LinkedIn because I had it on there for a while but I have no idea who actually reads this on a regular basis. I have currently been having trouble sleeping and it’s a big problem. I take so much medication I shouldn’t have this problem. My ex is trying to be my friend to some extent. And it’s not his fault…I just have some decisions I have to make soon that are very difficult and my thoughts are racing like a freight train.
I went to see him because I was worried because when I tried to call him the call failed. I thought I shouldn’t have just shown up but I figured he probably rarely checks his email. That was the only other contact information I had. Sometimes I wish I had other numbers in case of an emergency. I gave him my parents number. He called them when I was in the hospital. That’s why it was so hard to let him go because my last hospitalization we talked almost every day. He was a good listener and he wasn’t judgmental and I felt safe with him. Will I ever feel that way again? Sigh…I think my next post is going to be about the enneagram also stay tuned.

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