You Have to Let Go Of Part Of Who You Think You Are To Become Who You Are Meant To Be

I’ve been healthy for the most part for a couple of months.  I got to see one of my best friends a couple weeks ago.  It was hard to say goodbye.  But she’s not too far away from where I am living so I will probably see her again.  I talked to someone who also had an atypical college experience today.  It was interesting hearing about it from someone else who has issues.  I didn’t give her details I just told her I was also diagnosed when I was in college.  She went to a liberal arts school when she had her first breakdown.  I love hearing college stories from people.  I can’t write anymore about the individual here but it reminds me that sometimes we don’t choose the obvious plan in life.  Sometimes we have to let go of what we think we are [or what we really want] in order to become who we are meant to be.  

My favorite poem is Robert Frost’s The Road Not Taken.  “Two Roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all of the difference.”  I quoted that poem when I gave my valedictory address in college.  It took me about four years to accept my diagnoses.  I had my first breakdown in the fall of 1999 but I didn’t get the right diagnosis until the fall of 2002.  I used to think why didn’t they let me finish the school I started?  Why didn’t they accommodate me better?  But now I know it wasn’t meant to be. 

So many wonderful things in my life happened during college.  Sometimes I dwell on the past too much.  It was still a very difficult road and I experienced some discrimination but I don’t have any regrets except that I didn’t keep in touch with some of the friends I made.  I only have some contact with a former professor.  Life has taken us in all different directions.  My first chapter of my book is about prom and graduation then it dives right into the heart of the stories, the ways my illness unfolded in the four and a half years I was in college.  Maybe I could put some of my book up here but I don’t want my ideas to be taken.  I’ve worked on this book for ten years.  I changed it to fiction because there are so many memoirs.

Before I forget I have to share two pieces of info.  The first is a site researching Psychiatric care.  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8123092/pdf/10597_2021_Article_829.pdf.

The second is that 988 will be up and running in two months.  It is just for individuals in crisis or have severe mental illness.  I think it’s a great thing.  Some folks are not sure about it but I am.  Two different times when I was sick, I called 911.  I promised my parents I would never do it again but both times I was psychotic and not sleeping enough.  There really is no other place to call except for the national suicide hotline and a few warm lines scattered around.  You may remember my past post about warm lines saving my life several times. 

Well, thanks for reading guys and gals. Have a blessed day.

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