Living With Severe Mental Illnesses and Saying Goodbye To Contacts Who Aren’t Helpful

I was recently really sick for two weeks. Psychosis returned and I ended up staying one night in a local psychiatric hospital. After I got out of the hospital and got stable, I decided I had to block two people on linkedin. They were both friends a long time ago but I haven’t seen them in years and might never see them again. I decided they both triggered me. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision. But if someone bothers you enough and asks you questions you don’t want to answer and another completely ignores you, why hold on to them?

Let’s back up here. Everyone knows what I’m talking about here, right?  You are on Facebook or Linkedin or Twitter or whatever you choose for social media.  You see an inspiring post by a former classmate.  Or maybe you heard your former high school crush just got married or got a great job and you want to congratulate them.  What do you decide to do?  1.) You contact them directly by phone because you still have their cell number.  2.) You email them because it’s been too many years and you probably aren’t in their book of phone contacts anymore.  3.) You phone a mutual friend to make sure it’s okay and plan for when you’re ready.  4.) You decide to say goodbye to both of them because it’s been too many years and too many things have changed.  

Now these are all viable options and every one of them is acceptable.  But for people living with Aspergers and Severe mental illness/es such as myself, this kind of decision can be extremely crippling.   I hate do this but I am going share something here that is really personal.  I liked this guy for a long time and I left Facebook in 2011, glad to be free of him and happy to let him go to lead his own life but keeping my connection open with him on Linkedin.  

I got re-connected with of one of our former classmates and at first, it was great.  But then things got weird.  I’m not going to specify who this person was or anything about them.  I’m going to speak in the neutral gender here.   I chose to let this person back into my life (well through email and phone not literally in my life) and it was a big mistake.  After about two years of correspondence with the classmate, after I got out of the hospital and got stable I realized had to break ties with both of them. 

They both ended up triggering me and making me feel bad about myself.  The old crush indirectly but the acquaintance of the old crush directly.   He/She kept asking me questions that I didn’t want to answer and it started giving me migraines.  It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make because I know He/She was just trying to help.  But I started to feel that both of them were jumping on me and I had to run.  Run fast.  Get the heck out of where I was and move forward.  So, now, my life is pretty awful getting over this.  I have lost a lot of sleep and I’m a mess.  So I pray for their health and success and my health and success.  I now bid them adios (goodbye) siempre (always).    I can’t keep looking backward when I’m trying hard to move forward.  I have to put myself first and get healthy and strong again.  Goodbye pain, self doubt, anxiety, and insomnia.  Hello hope, faith, and determination. We have to be our own best friends.

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