Job, Dog, Man

I rescued my dog, a miniature schnauzer in January of 2010.   After I knew I was officially going to adopt her I changed her name to Jubee, short for Jubilant Kind Heart.  I only had her for eight and a half years.  Deciding to have her put down was a very hard decision but I knew it was the right thing to do because she couldn’t hear me at all and she couldn’t see well and she was confused and had lots of accidents.  If there is a doggie version of Alzheimer’s, she had it for sure.  We were planning to move to a smaller house and she would have been so confused and her life would have been harder so I decided I had to let her go.  

Before Jubee, the original life plan after my Masters Degree was Job, Dog, Man.  I got three jobs that didn’t work out and learned some valuable life lessons.  The only guy I ever loved dumped me and I knew that with a dog I’d always have someone who loved me unconditionally and that might even be better than being married.  Dog sitting when I was in college and a few times when I was healthy as an adult taught me how to take care of dogs properly but sometimes I had needed my parents help taking care of bigger dogs.  So when I found out there was a female rescue miniature schnauzer available when I was unemployed and searching for meaning I questioned it.  How does one take responsibility of another life when one barely has one’s life together?   My brother told me to go for it.   So I went to for it.  I met her and was instantly in love and hoped it would work out.  Not long after I adopted her I had my two best job experiences, both temporary but valuable.  Now she’s gone and I haven’t worked since 2013.  I don’t think there’s any kind of connection but I do know my life was better because of her.

            Jubee helped me see the world through different eyes.  I think getting her was the best thing I have ever done.  I have traveled a lot and I’m well educated but I have no idea what my next step should be.  I am working on my book.  I do some volunteer work and I am involved in different ways at my church.  I joined a yoga place that I love.  Constantly I feel like I am not doing enough or I’m not good enough or I should be doing something else.  I should be someone else.  But Jubee always loved me as I am.  She loved me when I was really sick and hurting.  I was always enough for her and she loved me completely.   She will never be replaced but I read somewhere that when you love and rescue a dog they want you to find another.   So I have to stop putting myself down and move forward without her.  It’s never going to be easy but I need to live my life and I can’t keep putting myself down because I don’t have the life I thought I would have at age 38.  I have to find my strengths and move forward and not look backward.   Jubee would have wanted me to be happy.   I changed my life plan when I got her.   I can change it again.   Just because I don’t have some big deal job or a great relationship doesn’t mean my life can’t be good.   I can make myself the best I can be and move forward with my guardian angel Jubee.